Here’s something that happens to ADHD children a lot: Getting pushed beyond their limits by accident. Here’s how it works and why it’s so bad.
Child says, “I can’t do this.”
Adult (teacher or parent) does not believe it, because Adult has seen Child do things that Adult considers more difficult, and Child is too young to properly articulate why the task is difficult.
Adult decides that the problem is something other than true inability, like laziness, lack of self-confidence, stubbornness, or lack of motivation.
Adult applies motivation in the form of harsher and harsher scoldings and punishments. Child becomes horribly distressed by these punishments. Finally, the negative emotions produce a wave of adrenaline that temporarily repairs the neurotransmitter deficits caused by ADHD, and Child manages to do the task, nearly dropping from relief when it’s finally done.
The lesson Adult takes away is that Child was able to do it all along, the task was quite reasonable, and Child just wasn’t trying hard enough. Now, surely Child has mastered the task and learned the value of simply following instructions the first time.
The lessons Child takes away? Well, it varies, but it might be:
-How to do the task while in a state of extreme panic, which does NOT easily translate into doing the task when calm.
-Using emergency fight-or-flight overdrive to deal with normal daily problems is reasonable and even expected.
-It’s not acceptable to refuse tasks, no matter how difficult or potentially harmful.
-Asking for help does not result in getting useful help.
I’m now in my 30’s, trying to overcome chronic depression, and one major barrier is that, thanks to the constant unreasonable demands placed on me as a child, I never had the chance to develop actual healthy techniques for getting stuff done. At 19, I finally learned to write without panic, but I still need to rely on my adrenaline addiction for simple things like making phone calls, tidying the house, and paying bills. Sometimes, I do mean things to myself to generate the adrenaline rush, because there’s no one else around to punish me.
But hey, at least I didn’t get those terrible drugs, right? That might have had nasty side effects.
There’s a lot of overlap between ADHD traits and autism traits. Whether you meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, too, I have no idea (because I’m a random person on the Internet), but you might find ADHD resources helpful in figuring out your life challenges.
A lot of “help” for executive function skills comes from neurotypicals who are naturally good at it and lack insight into people who aren’t, which makes it spectacularly useless to the people who actually need it.
Well shit this explains so much about me
This is why I want to scream when NT professionals try to insist that forcing ADD people into “the zone” is the best treatment for ADD. Forced focus is exhausting because it’s fueled by adrenaline. We have reams of medical data that frequent adrenaline rushes in young people are horribly bad for their development and causes a laundry list of problems later in life, both physical and mental.
Literally NT professionals: I know you can accomplish this task if I push you into a state of artificial panic every time I want you to do it.
Me: Or you could, idk, help break the task into smaller, less scary bits, use a reward structure at each stage to reinforce positive association, or even turn it into a game because ADD people are kind of hardwired to love game-like structures and anything that has a whiff of fun to it.
NT professionals: That requires imagination, time, and mental energy that I, a NT person who is not struggling with overwhelming self-doubt and mental block at this moment, simply cannot be bothered to spare.
Me: Oh right, of course. Carry on with terrorizing small children, then.
i feel like this is common for adult child abuse victims too. i dont have anyone to yell at me and force me into an anxiety attack that forces me to do things now that i moved out and got out of that situation. i have no motivation to do anything when im not under pressure. and idk how to positively reward myself for doing good things because that almost never happened when i was younger. people assume you should be better when you’re out of that situation, but like y’all said, learning something under panic or with threat of punishment doesnt equate to being able to do it calm or without fear.
All of this. My ADHD doc said that a study using brain scans showed that the part of the brain that activates when a NT thinks about a task they need to do and how to do it (like the dishes) does not light up in someone with ADHD. Instead, our emotional centers light up.
ADHD people literally do not have a “just do it” part of our brain, aka an executive function center. The ONLY way we think about tasks is emotionally. That’s why it’s so fucking hard to motivate. That’s why we procrastinate and can only do shit when panicking, or when the task is novel and exciting and new.
NT people all have a tiny Shia Labeouf in their brains. ADHD people are lacking tiny Shia telling us to “just DO it!”.
yesssSSSSSS
I’ve thought for years about how the only way to make sure I do something is to emotionally commit to doing it.
I was just thinking today about how the reason to-do list apps work for me now, and didn’t before, is that before, I was trying to use them as motivation to do specific things. Now, I’m using them to keep track of specific things that I really really want to get done.
There’s a big difference between “my list says i have to sweep now, so i will,” and “oh my god i really really want to have this room be clean enough to not distract me or give me sensory overwhelm, and i have a list of what that will take so i can actually achieve it!”
That difference is executive function.
This is amazing to me, because I just figured that everybody needed to make an emotional commitment to a task or event, even subconsciously, in order for it to happen. Until i read this thread, I didn’t realize that that was, kind of, what we do instead of using executive function!
i thought the only reason i cant motivate myself was that i dont easily feel an emotional connection to tasks. I didnt realize NTs dont even need that connection
[Text of Tweet: George Takei: If you are turned away at the polls because your name is not on the register, don’t walk away. Say this: I REQUEST A PROVISIONAL BALLOT AS REQUIRED BY LAW.
Don’t let them steal your vote]
Additional info:
“Provisional Ballot Laws are laws that require a provisional ballot upon verficiation of the idenity of the voter if a voter fails to present proper identification at the polls or when registering before voter registration deadlines.”
Poll worker here! Let’s talk about this “I DEMAND A PROVISIONAL BALLOT AS PROVIDED BY LAW” thing.
== TL:DR; Yes, provisional ballots are important! And yes, you should absolutely ask for one if you need to. But there’s a couple of things to try first. A provisional ballot is a last resort. ==
It’s very common for voters to come up to the “check-in” desk, and not be found in the poll book. Some non-nefarious reasons why that might be the case:
1) The poll worker doesn’t understand how to spell your name. 2) You’re not in the right precinct (this happens ALLLL the time) 3) New married name? 4) You’re a college student, and you are registered, but you’re registered at home.
Here’s my recommendation for what to do: * Make sure the poll worker is looking in the right spot (the book will be right in front of you; you can help find your name.) * Mention your home address to the poll worker. THey may very well immediately say something like “Oh! Yes, you should be voting in the cafeteria. Here in the GYM, we are your next precinct over.” * Ask politely to speak to someone to verify your status with the county. They will get on the phone with county folks, who will look you up in their BIG COMPUTER.
The steps above will, eight times out of ten, change you from the scary status of “Huh? you don’t exist!” to “Oh, right! Okay, here you go, voter!”
If that doesn’t work, ask firmly and politely for a provisional ballot. If you say “AS PROVIDED BY LAWWWWW”, you will only get an eye-roll from a tired and hungry poll-worker. But hey, you do you – it really IS the law.
If you don’t get satisfaction, all is not lost. Step outside the precinct and call the ACLU, and they will send someone over to have some FIRM WORDS with the Judge of Elections.
How do I know? I’ve had ACLU lawyers sent to talk to me during an election: “Hey, we heard that you were turning voters away!” they said.
I wasn’t, but I DID NOT MIND having someone smart and informed come to check on what was up. The ACLU counsel was smart, engaged, and knew the rules. Had I been trying some crap, this person would have SHUT. IT. DOWN.
So, the BOTTOM bottom line is: 1) Provisional ballots are a last resort. You can read up on them; they’re definitely riskier than a full, “real” ballot. You want to vote at your proper precinct as your first choice. 2) Don’t panic if you’re not in the book. Are you in the right place? 3) If you decide you do need a provisional, be firm, polite, and persistent. There’s no “secret phrase” that’s going to make us poll workers hiss with dismay: “CURSESSSSSSS! They know about the provisionalssssss!” 4) But do stick up for yourself! And if you don’t get what you want, call it in! There’s LOTS of folks to help!
You’re telling me that after the 2016 presidential election some people are still railing against voting for the lesser evil
Like ffs. There’s not going to be a perfect candidate. People are people and also i believe that if someone’s running for public office 99% of the time its because they’re power hungry but. Voting third party and abstaining because Hillary Clinton was also skeevy is why we’re living in actual literal hell right now. Can we please learn from our mistakes.
The main reason I want Classic is to RP orcs guilt free
The first idea is that it should have been the expansion following Cataclysm. This is in large part because it hits so many of the plot points laid down years ago by Cata: conflict over Ashenvale between the orcs and the night elves, Gilneas’s destruction at the hands of Sylvanas and the Forsaken. Like even Kul Tiras basically just feels like what Gilneas should have been anyway. It’s a better execution of Gilneas but with naval theming thrown on top. It would have been infinitely more horrifying yet interesting to have Garrosh destroying Teldrassil with Saurfang there to confront and defy him. BFA feels like they dusted off the hanging threads of Cata and tried to tie them back onto the main WoW plot.
The second idea, assuming you don’t want to retcon MoP, WoD, and Legion, is that the Alliance should have been the aggressors but for righteous reasons. Undercity should have 100% occurred before Teldrassil. Anduin should have been pushed along by people like Calia, Genn, and Jaina to finally be done with the Horde’s shit – and it’s not like that’s the wrong stance to take either. All three of them lost a lot due to the Horde’s actions. Anduin himself could be shown dealing with his more gentle, noble nature pulling him one way but the pain of losing his father thanks to the Horde’s retreat and the way that makes him furious despite the Horde’s tactical retreat being justified. Because then he’d have very human, very relatable flaws. You could even argue over just how flawed that really is given the Horde’s previous actions or given that people have done a lot worse when grieving over the loss of a parent. That would be interesting. Yes, the Horde would still burn Teldrassil, but it wouldn’t seem so stupidly random and pointless. Sylvanas acting on merciless revenge makes infinite more sense than “a random night elf was mean to me reeeee.” It would still be wonky (you know given that the Horde is still committing genocide and all), but not… this stupid mess we got.
But Blizz refuses to let the Alliance or Anduin or any other Alliance character show real pain or anger or fury much less actually allow them to pursue actual justice being fueled by those emotions. The Alliance is only shown being Stupid Good.
And the Alliance story being bad only makes the Horde story feel even worse for me as a Horde player. I don’t even get the satisfaction of at least the Horde’s actions being held truly accountable to anyone or anything (again). The Horde’s super evil plot points are effectively meaningless. They get a wag of the finger and told, “Ohhhh don’t do it again or I swear next time we’ll really do something about it!”
You can swap out Teldrassil being burnt to ash with the Alliance losing an Alterac Valley battle, and the Alliance characters’ responses for either Horde action seems just as boring, predictable, generic, and meaningless. The Alliance response will always be written as, “Okay we’ll attack them back for this. But not too hard. We don’t want to be too mean or rude to the Horde. That would not be nice. We have to be nice in our war. We don’t want to look like monsters just because we want justice or maybe even a little revenge because we’re flawed mortal beings trying our best but sometimes you don’t always live up to your ideals. No. We must be good. And being good means being pushovers. We can’t let ourselves dare ourselves look like anything but robots fueled by Stupid Noble Goodness. We must be goody good and not be mean.” I don’t feel the anger or hurt that should accompany the set-up and the major plot points of this story. It’s as meaningless as a BG loss.
I could rant forever about this. BFA is making WoD look like a master class in storytelling.
Vaknosh Blackwolf's Refuge 
