January 8, 2018

Entertainment Tonight: “We have the exclusive on Oprah’s rallying cry at the Golden Globes last night, what she really meant and her thoughts about the calls for her to run for president.”
Oprah Winfrey: “I think ”President Winfrey” has a nice little ring to it.”
Me, staring angrily into the souls of everyone in the 2020 Democratic National Committee: “Don’t even fucking try it or with Mark Zuckerberg either. I swear to God, if your entire campaign strategy is based on the assumption ”Trump won because he was a celebrity, so we need a celebrity to run for us!”, I’m hunting you all down.”